Today, we’re going to be talking about how to love your spouse based on their love language! We wanted to do a fun episode to inspire you to invest in your marriage relationship in new ways.

We believe that you can say that you love your spouse until you are blue in the face, but if you don’t put your love into action, it is all vanity. Love is a choice- it’s not just an emotion or feeling.

Love in Action

As husbands and wives, we need to regularly seek to sacrifice our own desires and seek to serve our spouses. We’re going to go through some ways to love your spouse based on their “love language” (a phrase coined by Gary Chapman). We challenge you to choose one “action step” per week and serve your spouse. 

We can often think we are sacrificially serving our spouses by serving them how we desire to be served. 

If you are familiar with the five love languages, they are: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. For example, Xan feels most loved through acts of service, but Nathaniel feels most loved through words of affirmation.

It’s so easy for us to think that we should love our spouse in the way that we would feel most loved. But we can miss our spouses by doing so and get upset when they don’t respond the way that we think they should. Begin by asking your spouse how they feel most loved, and focus on those challenges.

We’re going to give some options for each love language, but honestly, any of these would be a great step toward showing your spouse that you love them!

Words of Affirmation

• Write your spouse a letter and leave it out for them as a surprise
• Tell your spouse three things you love about them before going to bed tonight
• Point out one thing your spouse did today that you really appreciated
• Tell your spouse what initially attracted you to them and how you love them so much more today
• Write a note about the top 5 things you love about your spouse

Tip: Be very specific! Don’t just say that they are beautiful or generous. Be specific and give examples. Your spouse will feel seen and appreciated.

Acts of Service

• Cook your spouse breakfast and maybe serve it to them in bed
• Clean the kitchen and living room before going to bed
• Make your spouse a bubble bath that they can enjoy while you put the kids to bed or clean an area in your home
• Ask your spouse what you can do for them to relieve any burden or stress, and make a plan to do it
• Book your spouse a massage, and while they are there, clean up a room in the house or do a project they’ve wanted you to do

Quality Time

You can look at this in two different ways: a date night out or finding pockets of time to spend together.

• Plan a date night with your spouse (get a babysitter, figure out where to eat, or what you’re making/ordering if it’s an at-home date night)
• Initiate an intentional conversation with your spouse before going to sleep
  • What is your ultimate life goal?
  • When you envision this family in 10 years, what do you picture?
  • If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?
  • What is your greatest fear in life?
  • How can I love you better?
• Go for a drive together and talk about life
• Go for a walk!

The key to this is eliminating distractions: no phone, tv, other people, etc…

Giving Gifts

• Buy your spouse a gift they would love
• Keep a list of gifts in your phone that your spouse has mentioned they would like
• Surprise your spouse with their favorite food or coffee drink
• Make a Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of your marriage and spouse
• Make special occasions (especially his/her favorite ones) a big deal

These don’t have to be surprises, so you can just ask what your spouse would like as a gift!

Physical Touch

• Give your spouse a back massage
• Begin a habit of giving your spouse a hug and a kiss as soon as you walk in the door from work/being out and before you leave
• Come up behind your spouse and give them a shoulder massage when they look stressed
• Cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie together
• Offer to give your spouse a sensual massage

Physical touch is not just about what happens in the bedroom (although it can be)! Don’t look at this as an opportunity to lead to something else.

One Degree Shift

Make an effort to do at least one intentional “love in action” step every week.

Also, shameless plug for Marriage Level Up which is jam-packed with intentional and practical advice and systems to put in place to deepen your marriage communication and how well you love each other.

Want to Stay a Little Longer?

• Listen to these other episodes on healthy communication in marriage, yearly marriage retreats, and being intentional with your spouse.
• Download: Guide to Your Weekly Marriage Meeting to start being intentional with your weekly communication today
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