Marriage in the Newborn Season

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What’s up, fam?! In this episode, we’re going to talk about a really practical topic for young parents: how to strengthen your marriage in the newborn season. This is a conversation that is near and dear to our hearts because we love talking about marriage! We’ve had two newborns and are about to have a third, so we also have experienced this season a lot!

The Difficulty of the Newborn Season

Oftentimes, the newborn season can feel like you’re just keeping your head above water and trying not to break down. It is time-consuming, exhausting, and you don’t get a break. So, it can be very easy to start feeling like you and your spouse are roommates rather than husband and wife.

We have 5 easy things you can do to prioritize your marriage in the newborn season!

Foundational Principle

Let’s talk about one principle that is important to remember before we get to that list:

When it comes to earthly relationships, our spouse should be our priority! 

Genesis 2:24 says “Man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Also, Ephesians 5 gives the image of marriage exemplifying Christ and the church. That is a powerful image!

However, just because it is the most important, it doesn’t mean it always gets the most amount of time. Before you have kids, most likely your relationship with your spouse is the one that gets the most time, attention, effort, energy, etc…

But when you have a newborn, a lot of that time, effort, energy, and effort goes to your kid. And this is how it should be! You can’t just leave a two-week-old crying in your room so you and your spouse can get quality time. 

In the newborn season, you and your spouse are often lucky if you get 15 minutes a day of quality time. 

So, this episode isn’t going to be naive and tell you that you should bump that quality time up to an hour a day or that you need to have weekly date nights… We want to be realistic, so all of this will be tailored to improving intentionality with what little time you get in the newborn season. 

With that groundwork set, let’s dive in!

1. Have a touchpoint every single day

You and your spouse are “one flesh.” Even if it is brief you need to find time to connect amidst the hard seasons.

We do a “high, low, buffalo” touchpoint every day. During busy seasons we add “How did I serve you well today?” and “How can I serve you better tomorrow?”.

This adds a sense of teamwork and connection! You can literally do this right before bed- it doesn’t require a lot of time. 

For example, instead of rocking the baby in another room, be in each other’s presence and have conversations. Utilize car time, utilize off days from work, and take advantage of the small pockets of time we often waste. 

2. Pursue servant leadership

This is really big for husbands! Be patient and love your wives like Christ loved the church. Servant leadership is the opposite of using your leadership for your benefit. 

Do not rush your wives back to sex. Seek to be present and helpful when you’re not at work. Help with chores and diaper changing. Cook some meals. Don’t pretend not to hear the baby at night- wake up with your spouse!

3. Be honest about areas you need help

This is really big for wives! Instead of growing resentful or bitter towards your husband, speak up gently about ways he could serve you and the baby better. He may just not know!

Babies, especially breastfeeding ones, can feel like such an extremity of us moms, that your husband might not even realize ways he could help.

Ask your husband to strap the baby on and go for a walk while you get an “everything shower” in. Or maybe, he could give the baby a bath and get their jammies on while you get dinner ready with both hands.

But, it’s also a huge adjustment for dads and they’re often back to work pretty quickly. So, check in with him to see how you can support him.

It all comes down to transparent, open communication.

4. Pursue simple, low-fruit activities that you can do with babies

Go for walks and car rides, watch baby development videos, have dance parties, or read out loud as a family! 

Emory loved classic rock when she was a baby, so we would go for drives and listen to classic rock with the windows down. Find what your baby enjoys and participate in those activities together.

Again, keep it simple- we’re not talking about going to events, concerts, date nights, etc…

5. Take advantage of and pursue help from others.

Don’t be afraid to ask people for help cleaning, cooking, bringing supplies, giving support, etc…

We live in a society where we like to help others, but we don’t like to burden others. So, if anyone asks, take them up on it! Be okay with reaching out to someone to ask for help with whatever you need. 

Do not suffer in silence. You have a village.

One Degree Shift

Even if you don’t have a newborn, practice that first step- a daily touchpoint.

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