What’s up One Degree Fam!?! Thanks for joining us again this week. In this episode, we’re going to mix it up and talk about dating. How should you prepare for marriage in dating?

We’re going to dive right in with these five points to help you prepare for marriage in dating!

1. Focus on being the person you want to be as a spouse.

So often, we focus on finding the perfect person while failing to recognize that we ourselves are not perfect people. Maybe we focus on physical attributes or other ones: being smart, introverted, tall, etc…

How can I be a godly person? A godly husband or wife?

I (Nathaniel) often have guys ask me about submission, wives submitting, etc… It frustrates me to no end! The Bible tells husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church. It doesn’t say to make sure your wife submits to you. 

Christ gave himself up for the church, suffered for her, died for her, and loved her. He washed his disciples’ feet! If you have perfected that kind of love let me know, because I sure haven’t. 

What I love about the Bible is that it primarily speaks to you and how you can be obedient in your situation. 

So, focus on yourself (and not in a selfish way). Don’t focus on what you want. We often think about “What do I want?” In reality, we need to focus on “Who do I need to be?” 

2. Focus on growing rather than “arriving.”

We talk a lot about looking for someone who is growing rather than someone who has it all put together. The person who is humble enough to realize that there is so much more room to grow and wisdom to gain is the person that you want. If humility is core to who they are, they will likely live in that humility all of their lives.

Be careful not to seek after the things that are important to the world: career goals and promotions, financial success, and honestly, being perfect. Instead, look at their friendships and relationships with others, especially the Lord. Do they have deep and vulnerable friendships? Look at how they respond to their failures and weaknesses. Do they recognize that they have room to grow? Are they growing?

This kind of ties into the first point, but focus on a growth mentality rather than an arriving mentality. 

3. Cultivate healthy habits and disciplines.

Utilize this time well. The busier you get, the harder it is to establish healthy rhythms and habits (eating, exercise, spiritual, etc…)

Get up early (even though you don’t have to), work out (even though you’ll have plenty of time later) make your own meals at home (even though it’s easier to eat out).

These are the types of things you will want to do when you’re married, especially when you have kids. So get into a rhythm now; it will be much easier to maintain later. 

Establish who you want to be like, and then put a plan of action to get there.

For example, I (Nathaniel) want to be a healthy person. What does that look like for me? I don’t have this dream of getting swole, but I want to challenge myself, stay active, be able to run around with my grandkids, age well, etc… So, I run three times a week, lift twice a week, and play basketball one to two days a week. This accomplishes my goal.

If I wanted to run a marathon, this would look different. You have to decide who you want to be in that season. 

4. Remember that the purpose of dating is to figure out if you want to get married.

As a Christian, you don’t date for the sake of dating. You should date with the goal of marriage in mind.

So, if you reach the point where you know or feel you shouldn’t marry someone (they walk away from the faith, multiple red flags have developed, etc…) don’t continue the relationship hoping they will change. You can’t change them. If you feel like marriage is not the next wise step, then you shouldn’t be dating them. Maybe it requires a pause or break so that they can work on whatever it is they need to.

It is better to be single than married to the wrong person. It will lead to headaches, heartbreak, and hurt. I (Nathaniel) once heard a mentor describe dating like this: “I’m going to start dating this girl and I am running hard after the Lord. If after a year, this girl is still running after the Lord alongside me, then this is the type of person I want to be married to for the rest of my life.”

5. Get to know each other in community.

We’re pretty passionate about this.

Serve together at church (but, this doesn’t mean you have to attend the same church) or in your community. Have your friends, mentors, and pastors be a big part of the relationship. Have friends together, people who know you both and can speak into your relationship. And definitely don’t ditch your friends and community to be in a relationship.

Don’t allow your relationship to isolate you from others- don’t do it alone!

One Degree Shift

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