We’re switching things up for the next couple of podcast episodes. In this episode, we’ve got 5 tips for new dads- next week, we’ll be talking about 5 tips for new moms!

Side note: this isn’t exclusive for just new dads, but it is particularly helpful for dads in this new season of life!

1. Love your wife (and new child) like Christ loves the church

This is the most tangible, biggest piece of advice I (Nathaniel) could give you. This sounds easy and cheesy, but we really need to think about the way that Christ loves the church. He has such sacrificial love for us, so when we meditate on that, we realize just how big of a calling this is. Sacrifice your own desires, your own sleep, your own comfort to love your wife and child.

One of the best examples of Jesus’ sacrificial love is when he washed his disciples’ feet. How amazing is this! The God of the universe is kneeling down to wash the dirty feet of his disciples. Shouldn’t they be serving him? This is the example that husbands are called to follow! Imagery of him dying on the cross. How amazing this is 

Practically this looks like: waking up with your wife in the middle of the night. Seek to change every diaper when you are home. Spend planned-out, undistracted time with the family. Take the kid for the first 30 minutes when you get home from work. Make breakfast and dinner. Regularly ask your wife how you can serve her better and seek to implement it. Don’t rush sex. 

Sacrificially serve and love your wife.

2. Be your wife’s closest confidant.

This could still fall under our first point, but we think it’s important enough to get its own spot. Tim Keller talks about how your spouse should be your closest confidant in The Meaning of Marriage. We think it’s especially important for that postpartum stage, especially for the first child. It can be a really isolating time for new moms, even more so if they have postpartum depression. Even if things go “perfectly,” so much has changed about her life and it happens literally overnight! And ladies, I (Xan) think this goes both ways- be your husband’s closest confidant!

Dads- educate yourself on birth, express interest in her life just like you want her to express interest in your life, advocate for her, talk with her, and be there for her. 

It is a sweet time, but very difficult emotionally. Be there for what she needs. 

3. It is not a race. Don’t take pride in the progress of your kids.

One episode of Bluey I (Nathaniel) really like is Baby Race.

Bluey’s mom talks about when Bluey was a baby, she rolled over really early. Her mom took great pride in her early milestone, but eventually, everything became a race. Instead of enjoying the journey she became obsessed with her excelling and beating other kids her age. It can make you so anxious and prevent you from enjoying all of the stages.

We as parents can take pride in the dumbest things. I (Nathaniel) remember when Emory was holding her head up super early and I was super proud and acting like I achieved something.

Take joy in the natural progression of your kid, but don’t take pride in it. 

4. Enjoy the newborn season

Don’t wish away the time you have.

I’m (Nathaniel) gonna be honest, I’m not a newborn kind of guy. I really enjoy playing and having conversations with our girls.

Early on I would always be looking forward to them growing older. But, we often take for granted the blessings each season offers. While certain seasons have their different challenges and perks, and you may definitely enjoy certain seasons more than others, don’t wish away time. Especially during the newborn season.

5. Embrace your leadership role in the house

Oftentimes, we view husbands as the providers financially. He works and pays the bills, but then has all these hobbies and is out all the time or he’s just sitting on the couch relaxing while at home. But husbands and dads are called to not just financially provide, but provide spiritually, physically, emotionally, etc…

Lead family worship, plan how you want to discipline, spend time with your kid, initiate deep conversations with your wife and pray with her, etc…  

Leadership is so much more than financial provision. It is a holistic leadership.

Xan’s Last Notes

Take more pictures! Sounds silly, but husbands often forget to do this, but moms normally don’t get pics and videos of them with their kids when they’re little!

One Degree Shift

Seek to love your wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Regularly ask her how you can serve her better and seek to implement whatever she says.

Want to Stay a Little Longer?

• Listen to these other episodes on our favorite Bluey episodes, being intentional with little kids, and raising “good” kids.
• Download: Guide to Your Weekly Marriage Meeting to start being intentional with your weekly communication today
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